The Spirit of Anchorage, Come Forth! EU Accession in 2027? A Star Wars Ship Carries Stolen UFO Documents…

Above the table hangs a map of Eurasia, where Crimea is taped on with Scotch tape, and Kupiansk is suspiciously circled in red pencil.

"The main thing is not to break the circle," Lavrov whispers. "Vladimir Vladimirovich, focus. Remember that cold wind in Anchorage. Remember Trump’s face when he said 'Bye-bye' and slammed the door for lunch. We need to summon the spirit of that moment when the world was almost ours…"

"I only feel the chill of bad premonitions," Putin grumbles. "And a phantom grudge for being kicked out while they were in there eating salmon."

"Shh!" Lavrov hisses. "Spirit of Anchorage, appear! Tell us how to divide Ukraine so that it looks like your idea, and not our defeat!"

"And finally take Kupiansk," Gerasimov moans, his eyebrows twitching nervously.

At the end of the séance, the spirit suddenly takes shape. A translucent Trump materializes above the table. He holds a hotel bill from Alaska and a "Closed" sign.

"Volodya," the ghost rumbles, "I told you: Alaska is my backyard. And Ukraine is your bad dream. Wake up, you wet yourself in Anchorage."

Lavrov quickly covers the ghost with a folder labeled "TOP SECRET: PEACE PLAN": "Don’t listen to him! This is a State Department provocation!"

In the morning, Peskov appears before journalists with bloodshot eyes. "Dmitry Sergeyevich, why does the Kremlin smell of incense and sulfur at the same time?" "Patriarch Kirill and I were performing a rite to exorcise the 'Spirit of Anchorage' from the text of the peace treaty." "And the results?" "The spirit was exorcised, but now in the text, instead of 'Donbas,' it automatically writes 'indefinite vacation in Magadan' everywhere…"

And now, from the news: Lavrov claimed that in Anchorage, Russia accepted US proposals regarding Ukraine, but now Washington itself is not ready for them. "It doesn’t matter what Ukraine and Europe say," he added.

But why is it "unimportant"?

The "Spirit of Anchorage"—Russian officials have been using this mysterious phrasing for several months to describe the negotiation process with the US.

The irony is that according to numerous American and other foreign media reports, the parties failed to reach an agreement at the Alaska summit—and Trump left that meeting dissatisfied.

Lavrov can reflect on this topic as much as he wants—nothing depends on him anymore.

Therefore, the "Spirit of Anchorage" sounds like the title for a grim and absurd political horror with a mystical subtext. Considering that Anchorage is in Alaska, for the Kremlin, it remains an "unresolved gestalt."

Read more in the Ukrainian edition....