New War: Trump’s Epic Fury, Netanyahu’s Lion Roar, Putin’s Hope, and Chilling Uncertainty. Will the Iranians Rise?

A journalist from CNN timidly asks: "Mr. President, but what exactly has changed in Iran? Have they scrapped their nuclear program?"

Trump waves his hand dismissively: "Listen, that’s boring. We went further. Now every government building in Tehran will be painted in 'Golden Trump Metallic.' The Ayatollahs have agreed to swap their black chadors for Louis Vuitton silk. It’s going to be amazing, very stylish."

He pauses and looks triumphantly at the reporters: "But the main thing is our success here at home. In honor of the victory over the Iranian crisis, I decided that the old gold curtains in the Grand Ballroom were just too... economy class. Yesterday I ordered new ones — made of solid 100-carat diamonds."

The room gasps. A Fox News correspondent clarifies: "But Mr. President, how will the light pass through them? They’ll weigh ten tons each!"

Trump squints craftily: "Light? Listen, when curtains cost a trillion dollars, light doesn't need to pass 'through' them. Light has to stand in line just to pay for the permission to touch those curtains! And anyway, if Iran starts complaining, we’ll just point a couple of spotlights at these drapes. The reflection will be so powerful that Tehran will have a polar day for the next hundred years. That is my new containment strategy. Very effective. The shiniest strategy in the world!"

…These days, the entire Ukrainian segment of social media is mocking Donald Trump’s address to journalists at the White House, which was dedicated to the "U.S. special operation" in Iran, "Epic Fury." Yes, that’s actually what it’s called – “Operation Epic Fury.”

These quotes can be read endlessly:

"Thank you, everyone. We have a lot of great military people here, in this beautiful building. Isn’t it beautiful? We’re expanding the building a little bit. We’re improving the building. You see this beautiful drapery? If it drops right now, you’re going to see a very, very deep hole. Но about a year and a half from now, you’re going to see a very, very beautiful building. And there’s the entrance to it. Actually, it looks so beautiful, I don't even think..."

 

"I think I’ll save on the doors because it can’t get any more beautiful. These curtains I chose during the first term. I always liked gold, but I think we can save a lot of money."

 

"I just saved... I just saved on the curtains. But... and it’s going to be amazing. It’s going to be the most beautiful ballroom. I believe that... because I’ve built a lot of ballrooms. I believe it’s going to be the most beautiful ballroom in the world."

…Can there be anything more ridiculous than this gibberish, while an epically furious Donald describes a military operation in Iran and the deaths of American servicemen? It is indeed very funny, because the line between actual Trump quotes and political satire has practically vanished.

However, what do world media analysts think? It’s not hard to notice that among them reigns... panic, caused by the growing uncertainty of the conflict’s outcome.

Read more in the Ukrainian edition....